You just made me feel so damn special
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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