hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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