Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want a musical about memes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
