I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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