I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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