I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
