Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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