i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
