I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
