Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Umm I'm too high to move.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
