Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
