it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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