A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i will never coherently bang her
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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