thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
