My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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