i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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