How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
