We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
