operation harelip BJ is a go
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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