We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
