uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize