Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
