Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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