anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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