Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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