so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
bring money and cleavage
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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