the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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