I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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