i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This toilet bowl is my home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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