Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
