I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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