dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
