i already hear my dad disowning me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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