New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
