Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
