Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
