Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
