they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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