apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
