who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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