I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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