He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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