I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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