She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
