i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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