i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
