I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize