that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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