Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
