Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
