and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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