I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
