We won't sleep together?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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