And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
