i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
