apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize