I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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