This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
