did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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