So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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