I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
