awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
please come you make the beer taste better
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
