i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
