Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
