This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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