I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
