Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
