I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
