i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
