I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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