I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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