So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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