M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
