Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
