He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's the barista slut.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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