Reggie can tackle my bush.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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