fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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